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22 July 2008 @ 08:16 pm
Ok, feeling better about my whole situation; I have a tendency to blow things out of proportion when I'm stressed out.  Usually I'm really relaxed, but sometimes everything and anything is liable to make me scream with frustration or collapse into tears.  I think I should be fine if I don't spend money until payday, and then plus I have tips to cover any of the deficient. Today was good, I like being busy, but not overtly so.  I had work and I went out with Brenda today to look for turtles on the kayak.  I really enjoy kayaking; usually only my legs get exercised I feel, but the kayak is good for the upper body.  Today was rather adventurous; it rained sporadically and the waves were larger than usual.  I was afraid they would break over us, and I kept envisioning us abandoning the kayak to dive under the enormous encroaching crest.  Fortunately the kayak is so stable, but we had to skip some points because of the waves.  I also saw a ray; I have never seen one in the wild before, so I was appropriately excited.  It swam so quickly, and  there was an abundance of turtles today; I wonder if they like the rough surf? 

I have started doing yoga pretty regularly and I think it is amazing.  I feel so revitalized and relaxed whenever I finish and now I have done the exercise enough times to stay planted in the poses with my eyes closed throughout the tape.  I think interrupting the poses to look up, disturbs my focus and offsets my breathing pattern.  I really would advocate the benefits of yoga; I can feel myself becoming more flexible and stronger, without excessive exertion or stress. 
20 July 2008 @ 06:07 pm
Ahhhhh I have the worst money management skills ever.  I can't believe how much money I have spent since my last paycheck and now I'm worried about making rent (again).  I'm so mad at myself for being so flippant and careless with my money, when I know better and when I'm done this numerous times before.  Aaagh.  I dunno, living on my own is kinda rough sometimes especially when food and rent is so expensive and that compounded with my idiotic fiscal decisions.  Sigh, I don't know what to do with myself and my rogue spending habits.  These are the times when I can hardly express my self-frustration and my incredulity the repeatability of my monetary irresponsibility.  I dunno, I'm trying, I really am to be a good girl and succeed at this whole living away from home deal, but it doesn't seem to get any easier money-wise. 
04 July 2008 @ 11:51 am
I had work this morning, and it was all good.  As a side note, it freakin' drives me crazy when customers, for example, order Frappuccinos and then inspect HOT drinks on the bar, looking for theirs.  Ok Mr. Man, you got a COLD drink, why are you asking me if that HOT drink is yours? In the two seconds since you ordered your drink, did you already forget? Irritating.

On another note, I started volunteering at the Oceanic Institute, yay!  I just went in yesterday and I go back again on Monday.  The people there are really chill. It's primarily an aquaculture facility,  so basically everyone is working on raising some sort of seafood, like shrimp and moi. Honestly, I'm not interested in aquaculture very much, but I figured it will be a good experience, and I should definitely take advantage of such a close and well-equipped resource.  I love the view over there.  The buildings are nested against the Koolau Mountains, which are these big shamrock colored mountains, and they all face the ocean.  Hawai'i is so beautiful, I really think sometimes I take the gorgeous scenery for granted.
26 June 2008 @ 11:36 pm
I do not know why I get inexplicable urges to change out my Livejournal icons, especially when I post so infrequently, but I do, and there you go.  Well, I feel considerably better about my summer situation because I am now helping a graduate student survey turtles at a sheltered portion of Kailua beach.  She is counting sea turtles along three transect lines from the shore to maybe 200 meters outwards, hoping to verify the site fidelity of the foraging juveniles in that area.  The results of her study would implicate the importance of maintaining clean water conditions in that area, if turtles regularly depend on the site for food, while lending greater clarity to the homing and foraging behavior of these particular turtles.

Applications for the JET program are due the end of September, and from what I have read online, it is an inexhaustibly complicated process, but I think the effort will be well worth it, if I am selected.  I'm rather nervous about it, the requirements seem so specific, I would hate to be deferred because I forgot some minor detail about the formatting. When I am next paid, I am going to be an beginning Japanese audio book from Amazon, and pitifully attempt to learn the language. 

I love summers because of the spare time I devote to reading.  I finished At the Edge of the Sea, and Brave New World, and am now reading 1984.  What is with these dystopia novels and their excessive usage of the word pneumatic? I do prefer 1984 to Brave New World; Orwell's style is more to my taste.  It reads with such sophistication and elegance as if Orwell is attempting to refute the taciturn hollowness of Newspeak.  Although, I fear the "utopia" achieved in Brave New World looms a greater threat, than the violent totalitarian regime of 1984. I feel our society relishes cheap amusements and mild diversions.  We rejoice in the moments when intelligent  thinking is not required and is regulated to the far side of the brain: television, video games, gossip, celebrity rags, drinking, drugs.  One of the most striking elements of the Brave New World was soma, and its mind-numbing capabilities, its ability to "cheapen" morality. Swallowing grammes grants  the masses moral endurance, the ability to withstand unfavorable situations with an ease, that normally would require years of honest experience.   With our current mind-numbing circus diversions are we too cheapening humanity? the smug assurance that mediocrity is acceptable and higher thinking  should be regulated to the geeky elite, who we brand with social ineptness?  I think it is troubling. Mankind's great distinction is the distinguished capacity for thought coupled with the endless aspiration for knowledge. Are we creating of lower caste of humanity centered in intelligent inadequacy? I get chills thinking of a future generation with no higher aspirations than that of the narrowly regulated knowledge of their everyday needs, while blindly swallowing every bit of nonsense loudly blaring from their HDTV TEVOed plasma surround-sound entertainment systems.  I frown upon my own hyperactive need for distraction, I cannot be content simply watching television, but I must simultaneously be on the computer, otherwise I become bored.  Why do I grow bored and distracted so easily?  I feel as though we cultivate ADD by incessantly stuffing our senses with every possible stimulant.
10 June 2008 @ 10:46 am
My mind is troubled.  I graduate next year and feel absolutely and wholly unprepared for the next step.  This summer is much too important to let the days lazily slip by, and yet that is exactly what is happening.  I've contacted a teacher in Ewa Beach, hoping to help with his marine research, but he seems disorganized and absent-minded.  He said he would call last Friday, but he did not.  Is it appropriate to call him?  I also responded to a monk seal monitoring project, but nothing on that either.  Aaagh! I want to DO SOMETHING, but it seems like my help is not needed.  I can't graduate next year, without any field experience.  I want to USE my degree when I graduate, not do some job completely unrelated.  I wish these sorts of opportunities could just fall in my lap, and I wish that my help was being begged for, not the other way around.  And then, I really hope I can do an internship Spring semester at the Oceanic Institute (which never e-mailed me back either, so fucking frustrating), because I think internships are a sort of thing required for graduate school. 

Anyway, after graduation, to completely change gears, I'm really hanging all my hopes on the JET program, before attending graduate school. The JET program is a year long English teaching program in Japan, in which anyone with a bachelor's degree can apply.  I know this is a complete 180 from marine biology, but it would help pay off my loans before graduate school  (I think they pay $40,000 for that year), which is amazing for just graduating college.  Understandably, it is extremely competitive, but I think I might have a good chance.  I've always excelled in English, I've tutored ESL students, cumulatively, for a year, and living in Hawaii, I already feel some association with the Japanese culture.  I figure while I am there, I can study for my GREs, and apply to graduate school when I get back.  If the JET program doesn't work out, I'm not sure what I'll do.

Oh for the summers when laziness was expected and encouraged, now every idle day knots my stomach and fills me with even more worry for the future.
02 June 2008 @ 07:23 pm
Yay summer time reading!  Here's what I'm hoping to read

Howard's End-E.M. Forster -finished May 23
Roy Roy-Sir Walter Scott
Mr. Darwin's Shooter-Roger McDonald
The Eyre Affair-Jasper Fforde
The God Delusion-Richard Dawkins
The Edge of the Sea-Rachel Carson
13 May 2008 @ 01:40 pm
All done with photography, but here are some of, I think, my best pictures.

04 May 2008 @ 12:32 am
lol I was supposed to be studying for FINALS, but then I got drunk instead lolers.  Meg and I tried shot gunning beers, but we made a big mess on the porch and now I have choke notecards to make.  oh maannnnn.  My last final is Thursday! Summer is so close, but I am so ADD right now, I can't focus.  Maybe, I should just go to bed.  Ironically, the class I took for fun, photography, is the class I'm worried about getting a B in.  Although, it has been an irritating class all round.  Instead of going out and taking pictures during class, because I dunno it is a photography class, the professor tells us these long detailed stories about his life (whilst showing  his own mediocre pictures) and rambling about extraneous topics. Sooo frustrating.  Anyway. Oh here's something silly.  Last night, I was so exhausted (from multiple nights of staying up late, complied upon having to open, thus waking at 3:30)I fell asleep while eating.  I can't say, I have ever recalled doing such a thing before, but I'm pretty impressed by myself, just as impressive as my incredible time wasting capabilities.  
18 April 2008 @ 09:35 pm
Omg ok, I dunno if y'all have already seen this, but OMG it is so, so funny.  I was in tears, I was laughing so hard. 
07 February 2008 @ 08:54 pm
Good news! I told my coworker how I probably will have to drop photography since my camera is broken, and she is letting me borrow hers! And her camera is even better, it has so many more shutter speeds. I need to buy the book for the class, since I'm rather muddled about apertures, depth of field, focal lengths, infinity settings, etc. 

We went snorkeling yesterday at Makai Pier for my ecology class, and it was so cold.  I'm glad it wasn't rainy, but the water was absolutely freezing.  I had goosebumps everywhere.  Still, it's pretty awesome we get to snorkel for class.

I decided this summer, I should probably study for my GREs, and then probably take the test in September.  If I want to go to grad school, I am definitely going to need to find an internship. Maybe I can arrange for one this summer.  I wish I didn't have to work so much, because that would leave a lot more time for these important career opportunities.  It's quite the dilemma--I need to work to pay for rent, but if I want a delightful career in the future, I really need to do an internship.  Oh the stresses as graduation approaches.

Summer To Dos:
1.) Study for GREs
2.) Apply and receive an internship at the Oceanic Institute
3.) Marine Science volunteer opportunities!
4.) Work 30 hours a week.

I figure I can work in the mornings, head over to OI for my internship (or perhaps that can be flipped), volunteer over weekends, and study daily for the GREs.  I am definitely feeling the pressure of graduation, and I really do think I want to go to Grad School. 
Grad schools I'm thinking of include:
UC Santa Cruz or another UC school
Boston University
I figure my grades are good, with a GPA of 3.94, then if I get an internship, and get a nice letter of recommendation from OI headman, and then if I volunteer extensively over the summer, I can get a letter from the volunteer head if I frequently volunteer with the same person, and if I do really well on my GREs, the general test, and the biology test, I think that should put me in good shape for graduate school admissions.  My grades are fine, but I really, really need to work on my extracurriculars.  For other letters of recommendation, I could ask Professor Unabia (she does a lot of planting, and marsh cleanup, so I could volunteer with her), and also Professor Varis.

I'm not sure if I should wait a year after I graduate, because I'm afraid if I wait a year, and then start asking for letters of recommendation, my professors will have forgotten me.  Unless I spend that year, working and doing something very much related to marine biology such as volunteering or interning or something similar.  Oh so many decisions.  I feel so overwhelmed, and it's just before bedtime.  I just am so fearful I will end up doing nothing with my degree, and won't find a career I am interested in.  I think that is my most frequent and justified fear at the moment, especially since I lack those necessary infield experiences.